One Word 2017.

In the past, I've never been very good at New Year's resolutions. I've halfheartedly tried to make this tradition my own a few times, but I'm not sure the resolution has ever truly made it past January. And this year, 2016 ended with a fair amount of stress--I finally finished my 2016 Christmas shopping today--and so the mere thought of having to resolve to do (or not to do) something extra beyond daily survival is altogether too much for me at this moment.

But last year I ran into this one word idea (oneword365.com), and it really worked for me. The idea is to pick a word that can provide a focal point for you in the coming year--something that can shape who you want to be or how you want to live. 2016, for example, saw me choosing to walk with the word "enough"--as in, I am enough, just as I am. I chose it (sometimes 'it chose me' seems more accurate) after several experiences in which I came to realize just how much the impact of belonging to a church where I could never seem to overcome the barriers erected because of my gender and marital status left me recognizing a lingering sense that who I was would never be enough. So, 2016 was about choosing to remember that who I am is enough.

My word for 2017 seems to have chosen me as well. I have the sense walking into 2017 that this is an overarching lesson that God is inviting me to lean into at this stage of the journey. I have a feeling this is not going to be easy, and I'm a bit reluctant to say 'yes' to this word for that reason. I would much rather skip past the hard, get a break from the relentless pressure of taking a deep breath and walking forward into difficult choices or seasons of personal growth.

My word for 2017 is 'held.' I'm recognizing just how much I resist allowing myself to be cared for, never mind giving myself permission to care for myself. I feel guilty, I don't like feeling weak, I'd rather push forward until I reach my absolute breaking point and then see if I can't squeeze a little more from the stone. To simply allow myself to be held by God, to stop and let go of the need to care for others and even for myself, and simply to trust God to hold me--that's excruciatingly hard for me. And important. 

So, in 2017, with whatever challenges it has already brought and with whatever challenges lie in store, and even in the seasons of joy and excitement, I want to commit to time spent in God's presence, simply learning to stop and be held by the one who loves me more than I can understand.