Hanging Up

I hung up on a telemarketer tonight.

This isn't something I usually do. Deeply ingrained within me is the idea that to hang up on someone, anyone, is rude, and that it is wrong to be rude. Even when it's a telemarketer on the other end of the line.

But. (You knew there was a 'but' coming, didn't you?) The man calling told me about the carpet cleaning special that his company was offering, and what an amazing deal it was, etc. After listening politely, I responded that I wasn't interested at this time, thank you. And he kept right on talking as if I hadn't said anything at all. So, without really giving it any more thought, in a response that seemed to rise up from some place deep inside of me, I hung up on him.

I hung up on him for every time that someone has ignored me when I said what I needed or wanted, and just kept right on with their own agenda as if I hadn't clearly stated what I needed.

I did it because what I need and want is important, and deserves to be heard and respected.

I did it because "I'm not interested" means just that. "No" means no--nothing less, nothing more!

I did it for the time when I explained my decision to leave the Mennonite Brethren church to someone, and he responded that he understood...and then promptly sent me a job posting for a position at a local Mennonite Brethren church, as if I hadn't just clearly explained my decision.

I did it for the time when, as a young adult, I carefully explained that I just wasn't comfortable driving my vehicle on a winter camping trip, and was told by the organizer that either I decided I was comfortable driving a car full of teenagers out to camp or I couldn't come at all.

I did it for the time in a classroom discussion at seminary, in which I was the only female present, when it was stated that women are 90% emotional and 10% rational, and therefore should not be leaders in the church--and I ignored my strong need to leave the room, which had begun to feel profoundly unsafe to me in that moment, for fear of proving that all women are indeed highly emotional and unfit for leadership roles.

I did it because sometimes it is legitimate to acknowledge and take care of my own needs before worrying about the perceived needs of the other person. I did it because interactions always involve two people and two sets of needs, and because I badly needed to send myself the message for once that my needs are legitimate and deserve consideration too. I did it because sometimes there needs to be an alternative to the sweet, polite, soft-spoken, and compliant standard that I all too often feel that I have to live up to as a woman within the church.

I need to begin to understand that maintaining healthy boundaries and being assertive about my own needs isn't selfish or impolite, but part of good self-care. I don't always have to sacrifice my own comfort to make sure that everyone else feels comfortable.

And, while I promise not to do this regularly, because telemarketers are people with a job to do who deserve to be treated as I would like to be treated were I in their shoes, do you know what?

It actually felt pretty good!