Fun fact: In grade 12, I wrote a research essay on nightmares, as a follow-up to our reading of The Lord of the Flies in English class. My grade was 99%. I remember this vividly, because my class earned a stern lecture for our overall lacklustre performance on our research essays, resulting in me tearfully confessing to my mother later that evening that we'd not handed in work that lived up to our teacher's expectations of us. My mom had to explain to me that the teacher probably wasn't speaking to me so much as to some of my classmates.
I've always had a tender heart...
Regardless, nightmares. What I remember of that paper was that one theory on why people have nightmares is that bad dreams serve as a way for our subconscious minds to process hard feelings that might be too uncomfortable for us to process during our waking hours, and that they therefore have healing potential.
It was a grade 12 research essay in the days before the internet, in a small high school with an even smaller library upon which to base this research, so take that for what it's worth.
I had a nightmare this week-end.
All I recall is that in my dream some men from "the church" decided that I should be removed from my job immediately.
Even worse, they had exercised their power somehow in order to ensure that I would never be allowed to serve in a pastoral role again. Anywhere. Ever.
In my dream, it was awful, and I couldn't imagine what I should do next--but I wasn't shocked.
It has since served as a reminder to me that, however happy I am in my current pastoral role, however satisfying I find my work and however generous and warm my congregation, some wounds just take time to heal.
So, for all of you reading this who are healing, in whatever way:
May you be patient with the slow and steady work of healing. May you find companions for the journey who are aware of their own woundings, and who are not frightened by yours. May you find joy in the moment, which doesn't negate the hard stuff but which comes alongside it and coexists with it.
And may you find yourself held by Love, who sees your wounds and honours them with her oh, so tender touch.
I can relate! I continue to have similar nightmares about being a teacher, and being totally inept; for example, not even being able to find my lesson prep.
ReplyDeleteBut my nightmares, rather than being horrible, feel rather benign.
Jim
Thanks Jim. I've also had dreams after leaving my work at the hospital that are very similar to your dreams about being a teacher--dream me is completely inept and often working without a license to boot!
DeleteI repeatedly have nightmares about not being dressed properly for an occasion, losing my clothes, or my shoes, or my purse, being late because I can’t decide what to wear. In real life, I’m not obsessed with what I wear, neither do I do a lot of clothes shopping. I think it stems from my mother’s anxiety. She was a seamstress and made all our clothes. In Paraguay where we lived until I was 9 years old, and also during our refugee years earlier, it was difficult for her to have access to a sewing machine, or have the time and material she needed. I think I absorbed her anxiety.
ReplyDeleteThat's so interesting, Elfrieda! Your story really speaks to the power of those familial connections! Thanks.
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