But now, this is what the Lord says--
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
(Isaiah 43:1-2)
I spent the day yesterday at a Leadership Day thinking and talking about baptism with other leaders and pastors in the Mennonite Church. On the whole, it was a good day. It was also a hard day for me.
Because the truth is that the practice of baptism in the Mennonite Church is very different than in the Mennonite Brethren Church. While to an outsider the two seem very similar, the reality is that each has its own distinct way of practicing baptism, and its own questions and challenges around the practice of baptism.
And I was unprepared for how much it would seem like immersion in a new culture to spend the day thinking and talking about a way of understanding and practicing baptism that's very new to me.
Immersion. What a funny choice of words.
Because I was baptized by immersion--I waded into the tank filled with water thoughtfully and lovingly prepared so that it would be comfortably warm by the time the baptisms occurred, affirmed my desire to follow Jesus, and was completely submerged beneath its surface--an imagery of dying to one way of life, and rising to a new one.
It was deeply meaningful to me, and is a milestone in my faith journey that I cherish. I had the opportunity as a pastor to baptize a couple of people, too--and although it didn't happen often, those were moments I loved and have such special memories of.
Now, I belong to a church tradition where immersion is not the primary imagery associated with baptism. It has its own practice and theology around baptism, and it is beautiful in its own way. In no way am I saying otherwise. I am deeply appreciative for this place that has embraced me and welcomed me as one of its own.
But yesterday, I was overwhelmed with grief as I found myself realizing how much it hurts to feel rejected by the very church that offered me the initiation of baptism in the first place. Having to leave because the place where I found welcome no longer welcomed me is hard. Having the community that welcomed me to join them through the rite of baptism tell me that there was no longer a place for me still causes deep pain.
It feels like a covenant that has been broken in some way, and once broken, it can never be the same.
And yet, today those words from Isaiah 43 came to mind as I continued to wrestle: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you..."
The truth is that nothing can undo the hurt--that damage has been done.
But I also believe that God was with me when I passed through the waters of baptism--the same God who redeemed me, summoned me by name, and calls me God's own. I believe that same God is with me still, and was instrumental in leading me through a season that sometimes felt like walking through flames into a place that is good and spacious and inviting, a place I've come to love a great deal, a place whose practices will grow in me and add their own cherished memories and deep sense of meaning as I live with them and allow them to live with me.
I wholeheartedly disagree with the recent meme that says, "If being hurt by the church causes you to lose faith in God, then your faith was in people not God." Sorry, church--this is a total cop out and we need to stop blaming the victim!
I saw another meme, though, that I think works much better. In it, the words "then your faith was in people not God" are crossed out with a big red "x." Instead, it reads: "If being hurt by the church causes you to lose faith, your hurt is valid. God sees you."
So, for all of you who know this particular kind of pain, let me say this: You are God's beloved child. With you, God is well pleased.
They were God's words to Jesus at his baptism. And they are God's words to you at yours as well. And nothing, absolutely nothing, can take that away.
