Tonight, I am venturing pretty far afield from my usual subject matter, but I wanted to reflect a bit on the impacts of the last 2 + months of the pandemic and the associated physical distancing on me as a single person.
This is not something that I'm hearing people talking about--the impact of the pandemic on single people, especially the never-married variety of singles. Unless it's about the impact of the pandemic on dating--which, contrary to what the news media might lead me to believe, is not the only thing on our minds right now!
But as a single person who is neither in the "university, living with roommates" stage of life or in the "senior years" stage of life, I have come to a point where I'm in a minority among peers by virtue of my "not in a relationship, no children" status. So I have come to expect that my life situation is generally going to be underrepresented in the world around me. But I don't think that makes my experiences any less valid, and perhaps they're worth preserving if only for my future self to look back upon.
I am just about as introverted as they come, and I've been one of the lucky ones who has been able to keep going to work on a regular schedule throughout most of the past 2 months--stable job, work that I love, regular interaction with coworkers, and more Zoom meetings than a girl could ever wish for.
And friends, this pandemic and the need to stay at home has been lonely for singles of all ages, not only for those in the older age demographics. Except, based on things I hear, I think that people underestimate how hard it has been for singles who are not of retirement age.
When I got my hair cut not long ago, I went home feeling almost euphoric and couldn't immediately identify what that was all about--until I realized that the haircut had been the first time in weeks that I had experienced any significant human touch for weeks. And while I would never have identified that as a problem or something I was craving, it wasn't until after the fact that I realized how deeply that touch met a need that I hadn't even recognized that I had.
And I'm generally a pretty independent person, but I keep running up against tasks that require another human being to accomplish--simple things, from getting a signature on a form witnessed to cleaning my apartment and realizing that I have some furniture that I'd like to move, but that's complicated by the fact that I need another person to help carry it and that would require being allowed to be within 6 feet of another person--not recommended. I don't like to bother anyone at the best of times, and especially now when I know many of my friends are juggling parenting and teaching school lessons and keeping kids busy at home and working. So, the list of "I can'ts" grows longer.
I find myself moved to tears more than anything by any mention that there are people in my life who love me and care about me--because my world has been largely limited to my professional life and my quiet apartment, and the Netflix shows and podcasts that have been keeping me company in these last weeks simply aren't filling the void. It's just plain old getting lonely over here.
And the hardest part is, there's no really clear guidelines about when things might shift. Yes, restrictions here in Manitoba are starting to be lifted, and I'm so grateful. But there is still a lot of uncertainty about what the future holds, and what's okay and what's not.
I am a content single, and I love my life, my friends, my family, my work. And I really do empathize with the busyness that I know my friends who are juggling family and work responsibilities are experiencing right now. And I know that I will be okay, whatever the coming weeks hold.
But I'm also coming to understand how much I need other people, too--real, embodied people; people who know me and do life with me--a community to belong to--safe places where I can just be my authentic self--a healthy level of interdependency on others.
Healthy life lessons for me, things that I want to hold onto in life after the pandemic, whatever that looks like.
