I'll be honest, I don't think of myself as a naturally joyful person.
When I think about my better qualities, things like reliable, dependable, steadfast, and thoughtful come to mind, but joyful doesn't crack the top of the list.
And I've struggled with theologies that promote joy without also affirming the value of lament, or without acknowledging that positivity can become toxic, too.
But lately, as we have approached the 1 year mark of the pandemic's arrival in Manitoba, and as we approach a year of various degrees of lockdown, two words have been echoing in my mind and in my heart with alarming regularity: "Choose joy."
Choosing joy, for me, isn't a denial that this is hard. I'm tired of being alone. I miss my family and friends desperately. I want to give my mom and dad a very, very long hug and have a long, in-person visit. I want to be free to hang out with friends, to have face-to-face conversations.
As a pastor, it is desperately hard not to be able to visit people who are in hospitals or personal care homes, not to be able to hold the hand of someone at end of life while I pray with them, not to be able to plan and lead funeral services when people die. Phone calls and live streamed worship services and Zoom meetings are tools that function in a pinch, but there's no replacement for looking someone in the eyes, taking their hand, or chatting over coffee across a kitchen table.
But, hard things notwithstanding, I've felt prompted by the Spirit lately to "choose joy" as a spiritual discipline of sorts. It's easy to get stuck in the loneliness of these days, or to get weighed down with the relentless demands of my work.
Choosing joy has become an important counterpoint.
Most often, this takes very simple forms. I've been watching the Scotties Tournament of Hearts curling this week, mindful of the simple joy of being able to appreciate this normal part of winter, even as it's been adapted to pandemic restrictions. I've been taking the time to get lost in a 1000 piece puzzle without feeling guilty about not doing something more productive. I've been lighting the good candles, and appreciating the light and warmth they add to our winter evenings. I've been savouring my morning coffee with extra appreciation. I've tried to give myself extra grace to assign the day's priorities based on what sparks joy, if you will, instead of what a responsible person would do or what will be most productive.
I don't expect this to transform me into a bubbly optimist. But it is helping me to approach my own pandemic fatigue with more gentleness--the kind of loving compassion with which God has consistently met me over the years. And I think it's helping.
How are you choosing joy in these days?
